Are You a True Hockey Player?

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Are the beer leagues right for you? Take this quiz and find out if you’re a true hockey player!

 

By Warren Tabachnick

 

1. You’ve got $500 of expendable cash. The logical step to take would be to:

A. Invest in the stock market

B. Add to your retirement account

C. Put some money away for your children’s education

D. New skates, baby!

 

2. It’s your anniversary. The smart thing to do is:

A. Take her out to dinner at a nice romantic restaurant

B. Get her a card with some flowers or chocolates

C. Buy her some expensive jewelry

D. Invite her to watch the game so the two of you can spend this special evening together

 

3. You’re tired and sore from you last game. The wise thing would be to:

A. Rest, relax and take it easy

B. Take a hot bath and soak in some Epsom salts

C. Massage some ointment into your muscles

D. Suck it up and strap on the pads

 

4. You did something to upset your wife or girlfriend. What should you do next?

A. Apologize and promise you’ll never do it again

B. Bring home some flowers

C. Take her to a movie

D. Your game starts in an hour; you can hash it out tomorrow

 

5. You’re over 50. Something new hurts when you wake up each day for no apparent reason. So you:

A. Sign up for a yoga class

B. Spend more time at the physical therapist

C. Switch to a less strenuous activity (you heard there was an opening on your buddy’s bowling team)

D. Buy a bottle of Advil and get back on the ice

 

6. You hurt yourself playing hockey and the doctor has advised you to take some time off. So you:

A. Follow his or her advice and refrain from playing

B. Begin a regimen of physical therapy and rest

C. Show up at the rink and cheer your guys on

D. Screw it, I’m fine to play

 

7. Your wife or girlfriend has got some amorous plans for the evening, and greets you at the door wearing a thong and nothing else. What should you do?

A. Pop open a bottle of wine and light some candles

B. Take her straight to the bedroom and lock the door

C. Strip down and jump her on the living room floor

D. Head to the rink to join the rest of your fat, hairy and half-naked team mates in the locker room

 

8. You just received a tax refund. What next?

A. Deposit it in a savings account or CD

B. Book that vacation you’ve been promising your wife you’d take her on

C. Take care of those home renovations you’ve been planning to do

D. Sign up for that hockey tournament in Canada you and your buddies have wanted to play in

 

9. It’s 90 degrees in the summer. What should you be doing?

A. Taking the family out for some ice cream

B. Joining a softball league

C. Packing up your beach chairs and heading to the shore

D. Packing extra ice in your cooler; your guys are gonna need a cold one tonight

 

10. It’s 9:30 in the dead of winter, and the forecast calls for snow. What’s the prudent thing to do?

A. Hunker down at home on the sofa, in front of the TV

B. Prepare for work the next day and get to bed early

C. Spend the night at home with your loved ones

D. Leave home early so you don’t miss the pre-game skate

 

SCORING

  1. One or more A answers: You’re ready to take up knitting
  2. One or more B answers: Sorry, you’re a lightweight
  3. One or more C answers: Get your Velcro-fastened walking shoes on and go for a walk
  4. One or more D answers: Congratulations—you’re a real hockey player
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