By Manus Clancy
Don’t be that guy is an expression that has gotten a lot of mileage in recent years. Often, it is used by friends and coworkers to warn one another not to be the one wearing the lamp shade on their head at the company Christmas gathering, or at your friend’s engagement party.
With that in mind, we offer up our own list of “don’t be that guy” for recreational hockey players. Violating any of the rules below is sure to land you in the penalty box with your teammates, and rightly so. So don’t Be That Guy.
1) Water Bottles If your team has community water bottles, don’t be that guy that puts his mouth on the straw. The bottles squeeze in the middle for a reason… so that water squirts from the straw. Don’t start a cold-sore epidemic on the team.
2) Tape Everyone runs out of tape now and then, so it’s OK to ask a teammate for tape periodically. However, don’t be that guy that NEVER buys tape.
3) Goal Scoring Ever see the jerk who celebrates each goal they score as if it was the game winner in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals? Don’t be that guy.
4) Backchecking Just like the guy that becomes a close talker after a few cocktails, a player that never backchecks will be persona non grata over time. Don’t be that guy that coasts back on defense.
5) Get Off the Ice Some guys never know when to leave the party. They’re usually the ones that suspect people are talking about them the next day but are not quite sure why. Similarly, some players don’t know when it’s time to head for the bench. A 5-minute shift will not make you any friends, so don’t be that guy that hogs ice time.
6) Shower Shoes No one likes itchy feet (no need for fungus among us!). Don’t be that guy that shares his foot fungus with the team. Bring your flip flops!
7) Warm Beer Hockey players typically are not known as beer snobs, and anyone who brings a cooler to the rink deserves a nod, regardless of the label on the can or bottle. That being said, all good will can be lost quickly if the suds are warm. Don’t be that guy that brings Molson’s if they’re served at room temp!
8) Show Up If you say you’ll be at the game, be at the game. Nothing is worse than expecting 10 skaters for an 11pm game and having 7 show up. It’s like forgetting your mom on Mother’s Day. Unacceptable. Don’t be that guy that doesn’t show up.
9) Handshakes Everyone seems to be quite passionate about this subject (check out our on the post-game handshake). Don’t be that guy who keeps his glove on in the handshake line!
10) Wash Your Jersey Just kidding. Do whatever you want with your jersey. It can’t be worse than your gloves!
Manus Clancy has been playing rec hockey for over 20 years. He does everything he can to avoid being “that guy.”
Care to add something to this list? Do it below!
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Seems that some guys never ever learn how to warm up a goalie!
Let him feel the puck, not duck.
I’ve also noticed loofahs appearing in the dressing room shower. Offside… Don’t be that guy.
This is not a good list. These are very low priorities.
Don’t be the guy who complains all the time. You are trying to manipulate it in your favour. You are not the hero. Making everyone else’s life miserable is not the way to have a good time.
Even the NHL doesn’t allow you to clear out the front of the net. Stop doing it. And you cannot interfere with the other players unless the puck is there.
Trying to get rules changed in your favour by going behind the organiser’s back is destructive.
Don’t be the gal (cause women play rec hockey too) that whacks at the goalie’s glove well after she has it covered! Don’t piss off the goalie; they’re essential (and sometimes quirky) so you don’t want to drive them away by being stupid (spraying snow on them can rile them up too). P.S. I’m not a goalie, but I know a couple that have been turned off from certain rec skates because of idiots doing idiot things.
I was that guy who forgot to bring beer one game. You don’t want to be that guy.
Sorry, I am that guy when it comes to gloves on during the handshake line. USA Hockey has instructed all of its players to keep their gloves on during the handshake line. I am not a germaphobe, but touching 30 or more hands after they have just completed a hockey game is an easy way to spread colds and flu. Especially during the winter.
Don’t shower after the game?
Follow up to point #1: If your team DOESN’T provide group water bottles (and it’s a BYO type thing), don’t skip bringing a water bottle regularly and mooch off your team mates. Especially, do not bogart the water bottle, move it elsewhere on the bench so the owner can’t find it, drink from the spigot as if you were a baby nursing, and, most importantly, don’t be the jerk that uses someone else’s water bottle as your personal cooling aid (you know, the guy who dumps the water down his back or over his head).
Further to point number 7 (Warm Beer). Many of us have higher beer standards than just cold beer. Bringing lite beer is another sure-fire way to draw the “Don’t be that guy that brings lite beer.” Also for point number 10 (Wash your jersey) – PLEASE wash your jersey or you will indeed be sitting alone not only in the locker room but on the bench as well. No one will be able to tolerate the stench of a laundry-challenged teammate.
You sound more like a soccer player. Beer is beer and your gear is gonna smell regardless. Man up.
Body Spray: Don’t be the guy that sprays this stuff so liberally it gags the entire locker room.
Cough, choke, aaaaachoooo. Been there, played with this guy. Pretty up somewhere else, this is hockey.